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Why I protest

9/25/2016

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I come from a long line of protesters. Not exactly the march in the street variety, but rather the ones who can examine a system that needs changing and go about making the changes. We don’t take things at face value. In fact, what we see is sort of like the first round in negotiations where we ask, “Really?” We figure that just about anything can be changed if it isn’t meeting the needs of the whole.
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My mom is famous for exclaiming, “Who’s rulebook are you using?!” To this day, I am still in search of the grand rulebook manufacturer as there is a need for guidelines in some areas of my life. My mom is also famous for saying, “Rules were meant to be broken (just not hers!).” Yes, I was taught to question everything. And like most things some areas of my life are better than others when it comes to applying this thought process.
Many of us in the family haven chosen vocations that involve working in large systems. We continue to seek improvement by working on school boards, committees, and other similar options. We are change makers and sometimes that means showing up to meeting after meeting and eventually seeing our changes and desires enacted. Yes, it is possible to make change within the system—but you have to be patient and understand that the process of change may mean working and struggling with individuals over a period of time. 
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There are times when this isn’t an option—like when lives are on the line. Sometimes it’s important to make a sign and show up at a march or on the steps of a capitol. Sometimes people need to be shaken into action—I’m not talking by violent methods, but rather by assembling large groups in order to draw attention to an issue. 

​That is what is currently happening and I don’t feel like I can take up space talking about the details —I want to give that space to the people who need it most and continue to be ignored by a system set up against them. Some good information about the demonstrations in Charlotte, NC here. I continue to support the movement and work being done for racial justice. If you want to get involved, there is good information here. 
So why do I protest? Why should I care what happens to other people? Why? Because I’m a feeler…because I’m a sensitive human being…because I believe in this crazy notion that all people are created equal and have the right to the same opportunities in life. I was raised this way: Everyone gets a fair share and everyone gets to have access to opportunities in life. I’m a minister and people think I shouldn’t support movements that go against the system. If my family upbringing weren’t enough, my faith tells me that all people are created equal and have the right to the same opportunities in life. Yes, following the teaching of Christ means that you’ve signed on board to a movement that seeks to lift up the marginalized, heal the sick, feed people, and yes—fight against systems that seek to oppress its populations. Somehow the movement has become sanitized to the point that I (and many other clergy) have to remind people that speaking out against injustice is built into the Christian faith. *burst bubble* 
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Michigan for Marriage event April 2015
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MI Stare Down for trans legislation December 2014
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Photo: Indymedia/200,000 gathered: day of protests around world
I’ve spoken out against injustice and in favor of the environment for years; however, my first “real life” protest was while I was in theological school and the protest was against the Iraq war (2003). Many of us from the school got on public transportation and headed into San Francisco from Berkeley. It was amazing. As we were leaving Berkeley, we saw Buddhist monks on the lawn of Cal (UC Berkeley) campus meditating for peace while we were going to gather at the San Francisco City Hall and raise our voices in protest of the war. There were other protests and marches against the war that I joined but I remember that hot day in San Francisco and the crowded subway getting there. 
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Black Trans Lives Matter event University of Michigan 2015
Since then, I realize that my body, my voice, my presence gathered with others in solidarity matters. Showing up means that people (perhaps) scared to take on the system have an ally in the work. It shows that the power of people working toward a common goal is a positive thing. I’ve shown up in support of marriage equality, the occupy movement, LGBTQ equality, sensible gun legislation, black lives matter, and more. I will show up, protest, and question the system until we are all free and until we are all safe. It is not only how I was raised but also part of my call to ministry. My faith leads the way.
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Patriotism and Love of Country

9/18/2016

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I love my country. I was born in southern California but grew up (elementary school) in the Washington, D.C. area. I loved it! We were always spending time at the Mall…not the shopping one but the area between the Capitol building and the Washington Monument with the Lincoln memorial in there, too. I remember feeling connected to our nation in energetic but not quite tangible ways. I have such awesome memories of chasing pigeons, learning about our history, and feeling like I was part of it all. We were always attending shows at the National Gallery of Art, the Air & Space Museum (I thought it was Erin Space Museum!), and the other museums at our fingertips. I participated in the Easter egg roll on the White House lawn. I was an extra in a movie filmed on the steps of the Supreme Courthouse. I learned how to use public transportation. We went to Jamestown and I realized how much I loved learning about history in a hands-on approach. My sister and I were in the Northern Virginia Patriots marching/parade ensemble. We spent the Fourth of July on the lawn of the Capitol watching fireworks at the Washington Monument with the national symphony accompanying the display. Like I said, it was AMAZING!
It wasn’t until I was a little bit older and moved around the country when I learned that what I experienced was unique. It was special and only a select part of the population had such opportunities. I was lucky. It took a little longer to understand how much this was part of my foundation. I have a deep love for things red, white, and blue. I’ve only been back to the D.C. area twice as an adult. I knew where I was once I got off the plane—there was something in the air. I had a visceral response to seeing the monuments again. I was reunited on a cellular level. I love this place on the planet.
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This deep love for our nation’s history and monuments is one reason why perhaps I am struggling so much lately. The struggle I’m talking about is in regards to the tension between several populations in our culture and what our nation did to them. I stand on the side of human rights and so it’s a no-brainer for me to support the many populations who’ve been wronged. However, I have to unlearn basically all that I’ve learned. This isn’t an easy task, but I’m willing to put in the work in order to support people the best way I can.

Human progress is neither automatic nor inevitable...
Every step toward the goal of justice requires sacrifice, suffering, and
struggle; the tireless exertions and passionate concern of dedicated individuals.
~Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am a supporter of the Black Lives Matter movement, a long time supporter of women’s rights and access to health care, a long time supporter for LGBTQ+ rights, and recently getting onboard with the Standing Rock Sioux Tribe against the DAPL, in favor of gun sense legislation, and more. Yes, I am into social justice and using my authority as clergy when and how needed to promote it.
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America will never be destroyed from the outside.
If we falter and lose our freedoms, will be because we destroyed ourselves.
​~Abraham Lincoln

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When people say that because I am into social justice that I can’t love my country it hurts on many levels, but specifically because people don’t know my personal history and love for this nation. It is because I have such a deep connection and love for our nation that I am interested in holding it to a high standard. I want our country to be the best we can be and that cannot be possible if people aren’t willing to look at ugly parts of our nation’s history and the atrocities that have been committed on behalf of furthering our nation and its endeavors. If we aren’t willing to let go of the lies we’ve been taught in history class then we aren’t going to be able to progress forward. And let me be clear—we already are a great nation that has made amazing progress on so many levels. However, there are countless people who don’t have access to these opportunities and that’s why I am interested in helping things shift. We are already great and there is room for growth and improvement.
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I am guided by my faith through all of this. Many people adhere to keeping the church and state separated and I agree with this. At the same time, it is because of my faith that I choose to do the work of improving our country and culture. In his book, True Christianity, Emanuel Swedenborg explains: “Our country is our neighbor more than our community is, because our country consists of many communities. Love for our country is therefore broader and higher. Loving our country is also loving the well-being of the general public...We are to do good to our country with love according to what it needs. Some of its needs are earthly and some are spiritual. Its earthly needs center on its civic life and order. Its spiritual needs center on its spiritual life and order...We are to love our country not merely as much as we love ourselves; we are to love it more (#TC414).” I simply cannot let things stand when I know when so many people are hurting. I may not always get it right and I have an incredible knack for putting my foot in my mouth (I call it part of my charm)--but I will continue to strive for for equity and justice. It is what I am called to do and I take this calling seriously.

Prayer

Dear Lord, We pray for the leaders of this country and every other. May they not be swayed by false politics but listen instead to the spirit of truth. May they not harken to the false and bitter voices of a frightened world, but instead hear the angels who minister unto them. May the world make room for their leadership and resist no more their growth into greatness. May their virtue shield them. May their lack of virtue be forgiven and corrected. May their words be true. May their strength go before them, to cut like a sword through all illusion. May they see the innocence and brotherhood in those who oppose them. May they grow beyond a shallow fight. And thus may we all be taken with them into new light, new peace, new politics, new hope for all the world.  Amen.

~Marianne Williamson
Illuminata: Thoughts, Prayers, Rites of Passage 
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No One Wants to Feel Out of Control

9/5/2016

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To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind.
If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
~Buddha
PicturePhoto: Pixabay
​No one wants to feel out of control. It’s true.
 
This was a necessary piece to write, but it was difficult for me to sit down and get started. There was some stuff that got triggered or “unearthed” for me this summer during various events and it's  been difficult to put into words what I've been feeling and experiencing. I think I was able to get a good start while writing this. Of course there are more layers and I will address them as they come to surface. 

For the past several years I openly admitted to being a control freak (it’s not that I wasn’t prior to this, but I’ve been more honest about it lately). Yes, it’s true. For those who know me this probably isn’t shocking. I like structure (and then freedom within that structure to be free and spontaneous), I like order, and I like things a certain way. And yet, I am in a vocation where nothing is certain—at least on an inter-personal level. When I was in a parish, I knew where the Bible and candles were—and that was about it! I also am actively involved in my denomination’s youth program and there is plenty of uncertainty in that realm. My friends and fellow youth workers and I would joke about which activity we wanted to “control”—we’re all on the spectrum of wanting control. The good thing with these people was the ability to laugh at ourselves and also keep each other in check in case we got a little overboard. 
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And then we get to the summer of 2016. The political climate is more than anyone can bear at the moment. Vitriol is spewing and people's defenses are up--no one wants to let their guard down in case that leaves an opening for the opponent. It's ugly. This energy is dividing friends, families and co-workers. It’s permeating throughout the entire culture and we are all feeling on edge.

The violence we are witnessing is perhaps one outlet for this energy and the world feels incredibly unsafe now more than ever--despite evidence to the contrary. We are living in tension.

​The earth is more fragile as we are past the point of no return in a lot ways regarding the environment. We need to make a global shift for the sake of the planet.  In the mean time, we are witnessing a wide variety of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with all this tension and feeling out of control in so many areas. 
As many know, the Chinese expression for "crisis" consists of two characters side by side. The first is the symbol for "danger," the second the symbol for "opportunity.
~Al Gore: An Inconvenient Truth
If anyone tells you, “Oh yeah—I’m totally a control freak!” they are admitting that they had no control/were out of control for a part of their lives. Granted, as children we are quite limited in the control we have over our circumstances. However, for many children there are times where they have the freedom to be themselves*. I had those moments during childhood until I didn’t. There were a couple of personalities as I was growing that interrupted that for me. It was incredibly traumatic and it wasn’t until I was around those personalities for an extended time this summer than I recognized a certain level of trauma I need to heal for myself—and yes, I will do the healing. During those times in childhood I wasn’t cognizant of what exactly was being taken from me. I just knew I needed to find a safe place until the storm moved on. Summer “vacations” were the worst during my school years as I had to wait an agonizing amount of time until I could get back home. The only breaks I had were during church camps and such.
 
This summer I thought I would be okay—and I was wrong. I still have healing to do. The good news is that I have a safe place to call home and friends who help me when I’m limping a bit. And yes, I have a therapist who is helping me process and compost.
 
* And yes, perhaps I am writing from a privileged perspective and I recognize that.
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As I’ve been reflecting on summer events (both global and personal) and what has been triggering for me, I realize that I experienced trauma throughout my childhood…not just during the summers after my parents’ divorce. There were other bullies in my life and I see how this has affected my ability to learn. Yes, I have a reading comprehension deficit (funny because I like to write) that started in Kindergarten. I found this article that explains the impact of trauma and learning. I would constantly beat myself up for not being able to keep up with the rest of my class—I gave up on keeping with my sibling a long time ago. This understanding is actually liberating. I’m not an idiot as I thought for years. I must have had pain stacked up for years that got in the way—I realize this now and as I heal I have the freedom to think. This may sound like a statement of the obvious, but it is affecting me in profound ways. I’m ready to heal and ready to learn.
My “go-tos” for healing situations like this are Emotional Freedom Technique as it clears layers at a time and there are phrases that trap emotions in us, too. I also use the Emotion Code as there are trapped emotions ready to be released and this modality will help point me to what is ready to go.
 
What layers are you ready to shed? Are you stuck and need help getting started? Message me for an appointment to help you get started in the  healing process and resolving the past.
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    Jenn says:

    This is my story. I write to unearth hidden stories and also to show others the way toward restoration and wholeness.

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