 Photo Credit: Pixabay | Family reunions. These two words can conjure just about anything. What comes to mind when you hear these words? Do you eagerly anticipate such events? Or, do you run to the hills screaming when an invitation comes in the mail? Are you the first one to RSVP and arrange your travel? For better or worse, family is part of our lives. We come to the planet and these are the first people to greet us. And yes, if you haven't figured out by now...I'm preparing to attend my family reunion in the next couple days. |
| Our family will be gathering in Falmouth, Massachusetts for several days. I am looking forward to this experience as I have vague memories of a gathering with Tafels when I was a small child. It will be interesting to meet a wide variety of relatives for the first time. Historically speaking, the family gathers every other year and meets in either Europe or America. I am extremely blessed to be able to attend this event. At the same time, I'm kind of shaking in my boots--because of my nuclear family who will also be attending. |  |
| Perhaps we refer to these relations as nuclear for a particular reason (ha ha ha). As I said above, these are the first people who greet us on the planet. For some, it's a lovely experience with challenges here are there but done in a loving home with a solid foundation. For some, family is a foreign concept and relationships were forged in foster and adoptive settings. For some of us...the experience of childhood and adolescence was laden with minefields and volcanic relationships passing as family. |  Photo Credit: Pixabay |
Photo Credit: Pixabay Images My formative years were a flip flop between parents (while they were still married) and a sibling who made it quite clear I shouldn't be on the planet. Sometimes the message was explicitly stated and other times it was sent through body language, energy, or their eyes. I steered clear as often as I could, but I was desperate for their love and approval. I'm the second child, after all. It took years (and yes, decades) before I realized this was unattainable. I had no clue as to the impact this chase would have on my friendships and love interests. The minefield I referenced was the chase for love and attention--only to have it blow up in my face.
Once my parents divorced, re-marriages were next. For one, it was almost immediate. This was the volcanic relationship I referenced. From this experience, I learned to hide who I was. There was absolutely no point in being authentic if it meant complete annihilation of my whole being. Self worth? Non-existent after a while. Nuclear family--I can tell you what that means.
Once my parents divorced, re-marriages were next. For one, it was almost immediate. This was the volcanic relationship I referenced. From this experience, I learned to hide who I was. There was absolutely no point in being authentic if it meant complete annihilation of my whole being. Self worth? Non-existent after a while. Nuclear family--I can tell you what that means.
Photo Credit: Pixabay Images It wasn't until my suicide attempt at seventeen until I really got help. I didn't know I needed it. I was in survival mode--until that didn't work any longer. Eventually the pain got to me. It was overwhelming and swallowed me whole. The summer I turned seventeen was the straw that broke the camel's back. I was scrambling and when visiting family before the school year started a friend of the family attempted suicide. A plan was forged. I didn't really want to die, but I really didn't want to live if it was going to continue at its current trajectory (hell and then more hell). Enough was enough. I didn't have a plan beyond this--but I knew something would shift.
| I made it through the rest of my senior year and to graduation. It was nothing short of a miracle but the end was in sight and I hung on to the promise of freedom. However, what people failed to mention was that “freedom” was a thinly veiled word for lots of responsibility, but I digress. Once I removed the initial layer of pain and grief, I saw that there was a world ready to be discovered. I wasn’t going to attend college full time so I had options before me. I worked and found that I was interested in modeling (people told me I had a pretty face) and then acting school—a love I developed in junior high but didn’t pursue due to not being fully settled and between homes for a few years around that time. It turns out that I’m a bad actress (humbling to realize when you have a love for it)—but I LOVE character development. The human psyche as uncharted territory became a new passion. It turns out that I found a new way to process all these emotions from my past. There were a few times I went a wee bit too far down the rabbit hole—but I had a teacher who helped me find my way back. The possibilities were endless. It was thrilling! |  Photo Credit: Pixabay Images  Photo Credit: Pixabay Images |
 Photo Credit: Pixabay Images | Fast-forward to today. Have I really changed all that much?--God I hope so! LOL Seriously, I went from no tools for processing my past experience (read: the emotions I carried within me from past experiences and my neural processes for coping in these situations)--to an abundance of processing tools. I owe a great deal to my teacher, friend and mentor, Brenda Power. We met through a mutual friend and I learned amazing amounts of knowledge as well as the tools I use today to release the garbage from the past. "Take out the trash," they say. Well, I have. Am I done? Nope. Still living and breathing on the planet which means miles to go yet. **Don't be afraid to look within--that's where you'll find the answers. I'm not kidding!** |
| Am I really heading into the lion's den? Not really--that is just an outdated story that is ready to transform. I will be doing some healing homework before I board the plane. Does this sound familiar? What are your stories ready for transformation? Hit me up...would love to compare notes. |  Photo Credit: Pixabay Images |
From the book, Animal Spirit Guides by Steven Farmer:
"If a cat shows up...Whatever you’ve released—relationships, material goods, self-defeating habits—will soon be replaced with something or someone entirely more suitable for who you are presently.” This was a message from what cats have to say as spirit guides that rings true for me.
"If a cat shows up...Whatever you’ve released—relationships, material goods, self-defeating habits—will soon be replaced with something or someone entirely more suitable for who you are presently.” This was a message from what cats have to say as spirit guides that rings true for me.
RSS Feed