Well, I survived. My heart is somewhat heavy and I have some healing to do*. There were many “storm fronts” colliding as my family and I gathered for our reunion on Cape Cod.
Any time my (four) parents, my sister, and I gather it is a time when I need to use angelic armor**. Anything can happen and words cut just as deep as knives. And yes, there were words spoken and rude behavior that cut deeply. This is what I intend to heal.
Just thinking about gathering together is enough to make my skin crawl and anxiety shoot through the roof. As I thought about this specific gathering, my coping mechanisms from the past took the driver’s seat and I prayed I would make it out alive. The only difference for this gathering was a prolonged visit with these folks and all the dynamics.
What I needed to remember in the eye of the storm:
“It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one’s own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: “I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance...so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don’t accept me so how can I accept you?”
David W. Earle
It was difficult a lot of the time, but there were many shining moments during the reunion—like spending time with my niece who I rarely get to see.
She is an innocent bystander in this family. Maybe some day she will hear of childhood stories, but for now she gets to live in the moment free from wars fought in the past. She is the next generation for whom I broke chains and dispelled demons. The fight may not have been for my own child, but she is part of the legacy nonetheless.
"Every child grows up thinking their father is a hero or villain
until they are old enough to realize that he is just a man."
"To describe my mother would be to write about
a hurricane in its perfect power.
Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow."
Yes, in case you're wondering it did take therapy for us to get here. I am incredibly indebted to the time and effort my mom and step dad made in making all those appointments. We are reaping the benefits and I really enjoy the time we get to spend together.
These were also shining moments during the reunion.
*So what is this healing I will do now that I am home? I will most likely use the healing modality The Emotion Code to release the negative emotions and programs that are ready to be released. I also use the Emotional Freedom Technique to release negative emotions and programs. I will be addressing the soul contract with my sibling. I will be addressing the sadness surrounding any and all relationships. Above all, I will be asking what my soul is ready to release.
**"Angelic Armor" is what I call imagining the energetic protection I put around myself.
What are the storms in your life? Do you need help healing from these storms?