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No One Wants to Feel Out of Control

9/5/2016

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To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind.
If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.
~Buddha
PicturePhoto: Pixabay
​No one wants to feel out of control. It’s true.
 
This was a necessary piece to write, but it was difficult for me to sit down and get started. There was some stuff that got triggered or “unearthed” for me this summer during various events and it's  been difficult to put into words what I've been feeling and experiencing. I think I was able to get a good start while writing this. Of course there are more layers and I will address them as they come to surface. 

For the past several years I openly admitted to being a control freak (it’s not that I wasn’t prior to this, but I’ve been more honest about it lately). Yes, it’s true. For those who know me this probably isn’t shocking. I like structure (and then freedom within that structure to be free and spontaneous), I like order, and I like things a certain way. And yet, I am in a vocation where nothing is certain—at least on an inter-personal level. When I was in a parish, I knew where the Bible and candles were—and that was about it! I also am actively involved in my denomination’s youth program and there is plenty of uncertainty in that realm. My friends and fellow youth workers and I would joke about which activity we wanted to “control”—we’re all on the spectrum of wanting control. The good thing with these people was the ability to laugh at ourselves and also keep each other in check in case we got a little overboard. 
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Photo: Pixabay
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Photo: Pixabay
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Photo: Pixabay
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Photo: Pixabay
And then we get to the summer of 2016. The political climate is more than anyone can bear at the moment. Vitriol is spewing and people's defenses are up--no one wants to let their guard down in case that leaves an opening for the opponent. It's ugly. This energy is dividing friends, families and co-workers. It’s permeating throughout the entire culture and we are all feeling on edge.

The violence we are witnessing is perhaps one outlet for this energy and the world feels incredibly unsafe now more than ever--despite evidence to the contrary. We are living in tension.

​The earth is more fragile as we are past the point of no return in a lot ways regarding the environment. We need to make a global shift for the sake of the planet.  In the mean time, we are witnessing a wide variety of healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with all this tension and feeling out of control in so many areas. 
As many know, the Chinese expression for "crisis" consists of two characters side by side. The first is the symbol for "danger," the second the symbol for "opportunity.
~Al Gore: An Inconvenient Truth
If anyone tells you, “Oh yeah—I’m totally a control freak!” they are admitting that they had no control/were out of control for a part of their lives. Granted, as children we are quite limited in the control we have over our circumstances. However, for many children there are times where they have the freedom to be themselves*. I had those moments during childhood until I didn’t. There were a couple of personalities as I was growing that interrupted that for me. It was incredibly traumatic and it wasn’t until I was around those personalities for an extended time this summer than I recognized a certain level of trauma I need to heal for myself—and yes, I will do the healing. During those times in childhood I wasn’t cognizant of what exactly was being taken from me. I just knew I needed to find a safe place until the storm moved on. Summer “vacations” were the worst during my school years as I had to wait an agonizing amount of time until I could get back home. The only breaks I had were during church camps and such.
 
This summer I thought I would be okay—and I was wrong. I still have healing to do. The good news is that I have a safe place to call home and friends who help me when I’m limping a bit. And yes, I have a therapist who is helping me process and compost.
 
* And yes, perhaps I am writing from a privileged perspective and I recognize that.
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Photo: Pixabay
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Photo: Pixabay
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As I’ve been reflecting on summer events (both global and personal) and what has been triggering for me, I realize that I experienced trauma throughout my childhood…not just during the summers after my parents’ divorce. There were other bullies in my life and I see how this has affected my ability to learn. Yes, I have a reading comprehension deficit (funny because I like to write) that started in Kindergarten. I found this article that explains the impact of trauma and learning. I would constantly beat myself up for not being able to keep up with the rest of my class—I gave up on keeping with my sibling a long time ago. This understanding is actually liberating. I’m not an idiot as I thought for years. I must have had pain stacked up for years that got in the way—I realize this now and as I heal I have the freedom to think. This may sound like a statement of the obvious, but it is affecting me in profound ways. I’m ready to heal and ready to learn.
My “go-tos” for healing situations like this are Emotional Freedom Technique as it clears layers at a time and there are phrases that trap emotions in us, too. I also use the Emotion Code as there are trapped emotions ready to be released and this modality will help point me to what is ready to go.
 
What layers are you ready to shed? Are you stuck and need help getting started? Message me for an appointment to help you get started in the  healing process and resolving the past.
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Photo: Pixabay
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Storms Eventually Pass

8/13/2016

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Storm around Lansing, MI 8/12/16
Well, I survived. My heart is somewhat heavy and I have some healing to do*. There were many “storm fronts” colliding as my family and I gathered for our reunion on Cape Cod. 

Any time my (four) parents, my sister, and I gather it is a time when I need to use angelic armor**. Anything can happen and words cut just as deep as knives. And yes, there were words spoken and rude behavior that cut deeply. This is what I intend to heal. 
Just thinking about gathering together is enough to make my skin crawl and anxiety shoot through the roof. As I thought about this specific gathering, my coping mechanisms from the past took the driver’s seat and I prayed I would make it out alive. The only difference for this gathering was a prolonged visit with these folks and all the dynamics. 
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Photo Credit: Pixabay

What I needed to remember in the eye of the storm:

“It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one’s own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: “I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance...so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don’t accept me so how can I accept you?” 
David W. Earle
People project their crap on to you and if you're not paying attention it can be quite messy. 
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On the carousel with my niece (the little cat).
It was difficult a lot of the time, but there were many shining moments during the reunion—like spending time with my niece who I rarely get to see.  

She is an innocent bystander in this family. Maybe some day she will hear of childhood stories, but for now she gets to live in the moment free from wars fought in the past. She is the next generation for whom I broke chains and dispelled demons. The fight may not have been for my own child, but she is part of the legacy nonetheless.
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A little taste of the things I did at the reunion.
As I mentioned above, there were many fronts colliding to make up this storm. One of these "fronts" is the fact that my dad is dying. Well, ok, we all are dying--that is part of being born. But you know what I mean...I'm not sure how much longer he has on the planet. Each visit I have with him may be my last. There are about a thousand emotions tied up in this. There are all the feelings associated with, "Why didn't I..." This is an endless chase. I implore you not to engage if you find yourself in similar circumstances. As I said--a thousand emotions. The core of all this is love: both the healthy (which I currently seek to embody) and the dysfunctional (the version of years past).
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At the Heritage Museum and Gardens in Sandwich, MA
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Dad on Carousel. Glad niece got to experience his silliness.

"Every child grows up thinking their father is a hero or villain
​until they are old enough to realize that he is just a man."
​~Mark Maish

"To describe my mother would be to write about
​a hurricane in its perfect power.
Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow." 
​~Maya Angelou

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My mom has been a rock for me in my life--an anchor in the storm.
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Plymouth Rock is known as the rock of a nation.
My mom and I have not had the Norman Rockwell idealized relationship of mother/daughter (specifically in the teen years). In fact, it's been quite rough...but that was a while ago. Now I lean on my mom all the time. She's used to it. I wouldn't say she likes it, per se, but she participates fully in my life--and perhaps that is what she likes. I lean on her because she "gets it." She gets me (most of the time). If only my fourteen year old self could've seen this paradigm in our relationship--maybe she wouldn't have been so hard on my mom. Maybe it's because of my fourteen year old self's behavior that my mom appreciates where I am now and what our current relationship looks like. 
Yes, in case you're wondering it did take therapy for us to get here. I am incredibly indebted to the time and effort my mom and step dad made in making all those appointments. We are reaping the benefits and I really enjoy the time we get to spend together.
​These were also shining moments during the reunion. 
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*So what is this healing I will do now that I am home? I will most likely use the healing modality The Emotion Code to release the negative emotions and programs that are ready to be released. I also use the Emotional Freedom Technique to release negative emotions and programs. I will be addressing the soul contract with my sibling. I will be addressing the sadness surrounding any and all relationships. Above all, I will be asking what my soul is ready to release.
Healing these programs is the rainbow after the storm. It is what gets me back on course.
​

**"Angelic Armor" is what I call imagining the energetic protection I put around myself. 

What are the storms in your life? Do you need help healing from these storms?
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What Do We Do With All of This?

7/10/2016

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Photo: Pixabay
Here we are again. It's another week with tragedy and drama unfolding on the news channels. It seems like it's been that way more often than not. 

My take--systems that need an overhaul and have been participating in years of oppression are finally seeing the light of day.

So what do we do with all the pain and trauma porn?
How can we find our footing again?

I'm glad you asked.

As someone invested in helping others and specifically coming from an alternative healing position--it's time to process this negativity.

Maybe you are someone who uses writing as a tool to get things out of your system. This is a great start. It's important to know what it is that needs to come to surface in order to be processed out of one's system.

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Photo: Pixabay

Maybe you need something more. 
There IS something for everyone.

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Photo: Pixabay
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Photo: Pixabay
Personally, I love Emotional Freedom Technique. This is a healing modality that can get to the root of issues and process the negative energy out. Grief, anger, hatred, confusion, and more are debilitating. I believe it is what can lead to a myriad of physical ailments. I know I'm not alone in this. Get that crap out of your body!!

Donna Eden is a pioneer in energy medicine and all-around awesome spirit on this planet. She can help you get going with her energy routines like this one.

Meditation is an ancient cure-all (well, you know what I mean). Centering and grounding are key to getting our feet back under us when it feels like the world is falling apart. Here's a good example. 

Maybe you need to journey with your faith tradition to find answers and healing.

I get that it's not for everyone. The great news is that we have the freedom (in our country) to practice faith in all its variety of forms.

I come from a Christian background and yet I also find ways to strengthen my relationship with the God of my understanding through a variety of spiritual practices. This week, it was a chakra balancing meditation that helped me.

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Photo: Pixabay

And then there is a need for action.
I believe it is healthy to challenge systems of oppression.
We have the right to assemble and speak truth to power.

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Photo: Pixabay
At the end of the day we have to pick our battles. It is my opinion that marching, protesting, speaking out, and preaching from the pulpit in favor of those who are losing their lives unjustly is what can shift the narrative. It's been used for decades as a way to better our nation--we need to continue this practice. By the way, just because I am taking a stand for justice does not mean that I am against other folks. Here is a video that makes this point clearer than I can.

Also, you may need a refresher on the herstory of Black Lives Matter--the movement in question this week--a movement I support.

There is work to be done. Take care of yourself. 
You matter.

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    Jenn says:

    This is my story. I write to unearth hidden stories and also to show others the way toward restoration and wholeness.
    ​
    Grounded Cove Living is LGBTQQIA2S+ affirming

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