You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'
~Eleanor Roosevelt

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.
~Mark Twain

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.
~Thich Nhat Hanh

We're taught to be ashamed of confusion, anger, fear and sadness, and to me they're of equal value to happiness, excitement and inspiration.
~Alanis Morissette

Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.
~Marie Curie

I have learned the hard way to mind my business, without judging who people are and what they do. I am more troubled by the lack of space being provided for the truth to unfold. Humans cannot seem to wait for or honor the truth. Instead, we make it up based on who we believe people should or should not be.
~Iyanla Vanzant

Art of the Initiate Facebook Page

“Don’t judge me, but I like…” “Don’t judge me, but I just bought…” “Don’t judge me, but I am _____…” How often do we say hear this or even say something like it? Admittedly for me—quite often…too often. It appears that this may be the next adventure in healing. I was pondering this topic and then went to church this morning (10/23) and this was the subject matter for the sermon (based on Luke 18:9-14). The passage is one where Jesus is flipping the narrative (as was typical for him) of who is righteous and has a “pass” on judging others. Well, turns out the story highlights self righteousness and yes, that it is unacceptable to the Rabbi from Nazareth—and it turns out no one has a pass on judging others. One of the take aways from the sermon resonating with me is, “Love is more powerful than being right.” Dang. I've heard this phrased other ways but it packs a punch from the pulpit.

And then it’s time for the rubber to hit the road. I, like the minister in church today, enjoy being right. However, as I’ve gotten older and maybe a *little* wiser, I realize I enjoy friendships and connections. Yes, it’s true—and judging each other and the desire to be right gets in the way of authentic connection. Sure, that’s a no-brainer. How easy is this to practice in our daily routines? How often do you correct people on Internet forums or social media—or see others correcting people? Sure, we can’t participate in the “dumbing down of our nation,” but there is also a way to do it tactfully and without appearing arrogant or superior.

Humor and Memes Entertainment

If I feel good about my parenting, I have no interest in judging other people's choices. If I feel good about my body, I don't go around making fun of other people's weight or appearance. We're hard on each other because we're using each other as a launching pad out of our own perceived deficiency.
~Brené Brown

As the quote from Brené Brown alludes to, it’s about recognizing where we may feel deficient or lacking. In order to fill that void we often feel the need to prove ourselves. When I get real about it, it’s about the deficiency from my childhood in relationship with my sibling. She was the shining star in academics. There was no way for me to compete with that level of genius. She was literally in a league of her own. I, on the other hand, landed in remedial reading groups, remedial math, and just about any other subject. I couldn’t keep up. In all honesty, I didn’t want to. It wasn’t worth it—I was never going to be at that level. After my experiences with family this summer, I realize that my emotional life was overflowing and I had no coping or processing skills—and that took up parts of my brain needed for learning and remembering things. I, too, was in a league of my own—but there was no one there to understand my issues and I couldn’t articulate them.

Fast-forward to when I gained enough confidence to excel at the collegiate level—I became the enemy. I had little patience for people who weren’t willing to put in the time or effort to finish the assignments. Fast-forward to when I was in graduate school…it was even worse. Again, who was there to lend a hand or some sage words of advice? (crickets) Yes, I had to go through some humbling in order to stop being my own worst enemy. I’ve also had to find forgiveness within the deepest reaches of my being so that I can get back to center. It’s been quite a journey to find balance. It will continue to be a journey. As the minister said today, “God’s love is big enough to bigger than our sins.” Thank heavens!! Ultimately, that’s what it comes down to—a recognition that there is a force greater than ourselves that loves us, forgives us, and wants us to share this with others. We can’t do that if our ability to judge others outweighs our ability to see the child of God before us. It’s our choice.

When you are spiritually connected, you are not looking for occasions to be offended, and you are not judging and labeling others. You are in a state of grace in which you know you are connected to God and thus free from the effects of anyone or anything external to yourself.
~Wayne Dyer

I trust in nature for the stable laws of beauty and utility.
​Spring shall plant and autumn garner to the end of time.
~Robert Browning

Everything is changing. Perhaps that a silly phrase—of course everything’s changing. Our bodies are actively regenerating, the cosmos continues to grow and shift, organizations experience turnover and growth, and so on. It’s not a silly realization when one is in the midst of life changes: births, deaths, relationships ending or beginning, living situations changing, and so on. We are continually changing; however, it depends on where we are in the cycle as to how deep the impact is felt. And yes, it’s autumn—the season we all recognize as a time to let go of what no longer serves. It’s a period of letting go and preparing for dormancy. What do you need to release?

Progress is impossible without change, and those who
cannot change their minds cannot change anything. 
~George Bernard Shaw

You can probably guess that I’m in the middle of a life/situation change. I am in the process of finding a new home (and no I’m not going to be posting location details on the internet, thank you!). It’s been a long time coming and I feel like I am ready (though excited and nervous at the same time). Because I have been following what’s happening energetically on the planet (and stars, too!), I understand that it is important to pay attention to signs and signals. I’ve been in denial for a while now and it’s time to emerge. My comfort zone has become uncomfortable and uninhabitable. Yes, even spiritually inclined people trip and fall through life. However, I’m back to paying attention and ready to walk the walk of authenticity (though excited and nervous at the same time).

Since we cannot change reality, let us change the eyes which see reality. 
~Nikos Kazantzakis

What has helped pave the way for these changing? Well, yes, I continue to do healing on emotional issues on a regular basis. What else has helped?—the  chakra classes I began a couple weeks ago (click here to learn more). Yes, these class discussions that include meditation and other healings have begun to build the foundation of change. I still am surprised when I see the effectiveness and results of laying the inner foundation on an energetic level. Perhaps I shouldn’t—but it still rocks my world when I see the impact. I’ve also been participating in physical therapy for my ankle and that has given me more confidence physically to do what I need to do for all these changes. It’s not an accident that these classes, physical therapy, and location change all are happening at the same time. The energy of each activity is influencing the other. There are parts that need a confidence boost here and there, but that will come.

You're imperfect, and you're wired for struggle, but
you are worthy of love and belonging.
~Brené Brown

Here’s a confession—I want to fit in. Yes, it’s true. Turns out I'm not the only one. As a child, I remember desperately wanting friends but I was incredibly shy—the type of shy girl who hides in her mothers skirt all the time. My mom describes me as a child who was afraid of just about everything. So you can imagine that making friends would probably be a painful task. And you would be correct. I got lucky here and there with kids my own age who lived in my townhouse complex. My mom liked to play tennis and had friends with children my own age—so they were destined to play Barbies with me whether they liked it or not. Making friends? Painful. We moved the summer before I started Kindergarten so neighborhood friends were gone. I thought that was the end.

Photo Credit: Pixabay (I wish I had access to photo albums)

Sleepy Hollow Elementary School--where I attended K-5

And then Kindergarten started…that was when I met my first best friend—in the bathroom. We were in the our individual stalls and one of us (I can’t remember exactly who) said, “Want to be friends?!” We both agreed. Well, that was easy! The hard part was going over to her house for our first “play date”—though we didn’t use that term in the 70s. We just went over to our friend's house to play. I thought I was going to be swallowed up whole while on her front steps after ringing the doorbell— a total commitment to wanting to be seen. Oh the agony!! No one answered. Oh thank heavens…that was much better than the possibility of being rejected. She agreed to be friends while in school but maybe that was a cruel joke. I think my mom and I did call ahead but the family may have gone some where last minute. The next play date was successful and for several years I had a best friend.

Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light. 
​~Helen Keller

Photo Credit: Pixabay

​The friends I made at my church camp in my childhood have a similar place in my heart—the only difference is that I get to see them on a regular basis since our camp is all ages. I see friends there who have been my friend for decades—even all the way back to when I was five years old. It’s pretty amazing. And yet, the five year old me creeps out from time to time. That part of me who is scared to death about being accepted. Yes, it’s true. I’m sure I’m the only one out of 7.4 billion people on the planet who feels this way who worries about such things (sarcasm). These friends have been there for me during the time I referenced above as well as all (five) back and forth across country during my tween/teen years. And yet…that scared little girl surfaces from time to time. She resurfaces when I learn some new aspect of myself that I would like to share with the world. She resurfaces when I have to speak up for others in the face of injustice. She resurfaces when I need to what's right but not always easy. She's there for this and more. I've learned how to keep her quiet most days but dang if she doesn't come out to play at the most inconvenient times.

School photo around 1st grade

People who cannot invent and reinvent themselves must be content with borrowed postures, secondhand ideas, fitting in instead of standing out. 
​~Warren Bennis

Photo: Pixabay

Photo Credit: Eris Eady

Storm around Lansing, MI 8/12/16

Well, I survived. My heart is somewhat heavy and I have some healing to do*. There were many “storm fronts” colliding as my family and I gathered for our reunion on Cape Cod.  Any time my (four) parents, my sister, and I gather it is a time when I need to use angelic armor**. Anything can happen and words cut just as deep as knives. And yes, there were words spoken and rude behavior that cut deeply. This is what I intend to heal.

Just thinking about gathering together is enough to make my skin crawl and anxiety shoot through the roof. As I thought about this specific gathering, my coping mechanisms from the past took the driver’s seat and I prayed I would make it out alive. The only difference for this gathering was a prolonged visit with these folks and all the dynamics.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

What I needed to remember in the eye of the storm:

“It is very difficult to develop a proper sense of self-esteem in a dysfunctional family. Having very little self-worth, looking at one’s own character defects becomes so overwhelming there is no room for inward focus. People so afflicted think: “I need to keep you from knowing me. I have already rejected me, but if you knew how flawed I am, you would also reject me…and since this is all I have, I could not stand any more rejection. I am not worthy of someone understanding me so you will not get the chance...so I must judge, reject, attack, and/or find fault with you. I don’t accept me so how can I accept you?” 
David W. Earle

On the carousel with my niece (the little cat).

It was difficult a lot of the time, but there were many shining moments during the reunion—like spending time with my niece who I rarely get to see.   She is an innocent bystander in this family. Maybe some day she will hear of childhood stories, but for now she gets to live in the moment free from wars fought in the past. She is the next generation for whom I broke chains and dispelled demons. The fight may not have been for my own child, but she is part of the legacy nonetheless.

A little taste of the things I did at the reunion.

At the Heritage Museum and Gardens in Sandwich, MA

Dad on Carousel. Glad niece got to experience his silliness.

"Every child grows up thinking their father is a hero or villain
​until they are old enough to realize that he is just a man."
​~Mark Maish

"To describe my mother would be to write about
​a hurricane in its perfect power.
Or the climbing, falling colors of a rainbow." 
​~Maya Angelou

My mom has been a rock for me in my life--an anchor in the storm.

Plymouth Rock is known as the rock of a nation.

*So what is this healing I will do now that I am home? I will most likely use the healing modality The Emotion Code to release the negative emotions and programs that are ready to be released. I also use the Emotional Freedom Technique to release negative emotions and programs. I will be addressing the soul contract with my sibling. I will be addressing the sadness surrounding any and all relationships. Above all, I will be asking what my soul is ready to release.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Family reunions. These two words can conjure just about anything. What comes to mind when you hear these words? Do you eagerly anticipate such events? Or, do you run to the hills screaming when an invitation comes in the mail? Are you the first one to RSVP and arrange your travel? For better or worse, family is part of our lives.  We come to the planet and these are the first people to greet us. And yes, if you haven't figured out by now...I'm preparing to attend my family reunion in the next couple days.

Our family will be gathering in Falmouth, Massachusetts for several days. I am looking forward to this experience as I have vague memories of a gathering with Tafels when I was a small child. It will be interesting to meet a wide variety of relatives for the first time. Historically speaking, the family gathers every other year and meets in either Europe or America. I am extremely blessed to be able to attend this event. At the same time, I'm kind of shaking in my boots--because of my nuclear family who will also be attending.

Perhaps we refer to these relations as nuclear for a particular reason (ha ha ha). As I said above, these are the first people who greet us on the planet. For some, it's a lovely experience with challenges here are there but done in a loving home with a solid foundation. For some, family is a foreign concept and relationships were forged in foster and adoptive settings. For some of us...the experience of childhood and adolescence was laden with minefields and volcanic relationships passing as family.

Photo Credit: Pixabay

Photo Credit: Pixabay Images

Photo Credit: Pixabay Images

I made it through the rest of my senior year and to graduation. It was nothing short of a miracle but the end was in sight and I hung on to the promise of freedom. However, what people failed to mention was that “freedom” was a thinly veiled word for lots of responsibility, but I digress. Once I removed the initial layer of pain and grief, I saw that there was a world ready to be discovered. I wasn’t going to attend college full time so I had options before me. I worked and found that I was interested in modeling (people told me I had a pretty face) and then acting school—a love I developed in junior high but didn’t pursue due to not being fully settled and between homes for a few years around that time. It turns out that I’m a bad actress (humbling to realize when you have a love for it)—but I LOVE character development. The human psyche as uncharted territory became a new passion. It turns out that I found a new way to process all these emotions from my past. There were a few times I went a wee bit too far down the rabbit hole—but I had a teacher who helped me find my way back. The possibilities were endless. It was thrilling!

Photo Credit: Pixabay Images Photo Credit: Pixabay Images

Photo Credit: Pixabay Images

Fast-forward to today. Have I really changed all that much?--God I hope so! LOL Seriously, I went from no tools for processing my past experience (read: the emotions I carried within me from past experiences and my neural processes for coping in these situations)--to an abundance of processing tools. I owe a great deal to my teacher, friend and mentor, Brenda Power. We met through a mutual friend and I learned amazing amounts of knowledge as well as the tools I use today to release the garbage from the past. "Take out the trash," they say. Well, I have. Am I done? Nope. Still living and breathing on the planet which means miles to go yet. **Don't be afraid to look within--that's where you'll find the answers. I'm not kidding!**

Am I really heading into the lion's den? Not really--that is just an outdated story that is ready to transform. I will be doing some healing homework before I board the plane.  Does this sound familiar? What are your stories ready for transformation? Hit me up...would love to compare notes.  ​

Photo Credit: Pixabay Images

Cats win one more time!